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Al's apartment, a few days later

Spending more of my time here, now. Much of it as I can, really.

Still have to be careful, of course. Think Al's got some kind of plan in place to tidy away any evidence of our previous deal; figure I'm better off not knowing the details.

But we've been able to get up together in the mornings, mostly, and I'm here when he comes back from work - which seems to be getting earlier, these past days. And it's - easy. More absurdly domestic than I'd've thought possibly, when he straightens my tie under my chin with a slight frown for my scruffiness, or I take his jacket and kiss him as he comes in the door. Almost frightening how fast it's starting to feel normal, him and me, here. Not sure I realised how I've missed living with someone, since Syl. Knowing it'll last, god willing. Knowing that I'm home.

[Open to Al]



Sep. 16th, 2010 11:07 pm (UTC)
"I am not a fucking Arab. We're not all the fucking same."

Actually take a step back. Think this is one of the rawer nerves I've touched in Al, and my stomach's knotted hard and sudden. Knew he didn't speak Arabic, but.... Still hard for me not to think of him as another rich white guy, in some ways. Remember the first time I saw his heritage properly in his face - the first time I saw him dressed like this. Still thought I hated him, then.

"I know. I am sorry, too." Slackens my tension - my fear, I realise - some. "It is... complicated for me. People forget that I am not a white man - my colouring is unusual, but not rare in Iran, but it is not what people think of when they think of the Middle East. They see my fair hair and blue eyes and they assume I have a tan. And I dress like a Westerner most of the time, and I am an American as well as an Iranian, but."

I understand some of that. Take a breath, try to work out what to say. Aware I've fucked up, badly. "I - do get some of that. You know." People don't even know half my own racial background exists. Always call me Hispanic, here, and I've learned to hate that word. But what I am isn't altogether invisible, the way he's talking about. "I..." I shake my head, pinch the bridge of my nose.

"It is important to me, my heritage. You and I will probably never go to Iran together, but... I want you to understand something of it. Of where I am from."

Okay, that I can do. "Want to understand it," I say, a bit awkwardly. Mean I want to understand him. "I thought of learning a bit of your language. When I'm...not working." Feel like a fucking idiot saying that, for some reason, that I'd thought of that.
Sep. 16th, 2010 11:25 pm (UTC)
"I - do get some of that. You know."

I nod, because I do.

"Want to understand it. I thought of learning a bit of your language. When I'm...not working."

I feel myself smile at that, and the tension in me eases out.

"I would like it if you did," I say, and I kiss his palm. "And I can teach you words," I say, smile curling up a little. "This is dast," I say, turning his hand over in mine. "And this is me'deh," I add, pulling up his shirt and placing my hand on his stomach. "And this," I say, leaning in and touching my mouth to his, "is dæhan." I smile. "Very educational."
Sep. 16th, 2010 11:35 pm (UTC)
Seems like we're ok. Thank fuck. His breath on my palm makes me shiver, though I've lost most of my hard on. "And I can teach you words. This is dast. And this is me'deh. And this is dæhan. Very educational."

I grin at him. "Body parts first?" Brush my hand over his dick. "Motivation to learn, I guess."

Reach out and tug him into me, hand on the small of his back. "What language did you speak at home?" I ask. "When you were growing up?" Wonder if he's got any photos from when he was younger. "I like the fact," I add, "that I can feel you through your - thawb." Pretty sure my pronunciation's off. Slide my hand down to his ass. Tug the cloth up a bit at the back. "Useful, too."
Sep. 16th, 2010 11:47 pm (UTC)
"Motivation to learn, I guess." I smile and breathe in at the feel of his hand.

"What language did you speak at home? When you were growing up?"

"Farsi and English," I say. "My parents wanted us to be fluent in both. We would switch in and out of them. Until I went to school I did not realise properly that most people did not do this," and I frown slightly, remembering that first surprise. "I went through a brief phase as a child of not wanting to speak Farsi at all, but I got over it..." I smile as he pulls up the back of my robe.

"I like the fact that I can feel you through your - thawb."

I laugh.

"I just had the strangest thought of what would my father have made of that remark. I am sure he would not have approved of our garb being appreicated in such a way." I grin at Tez. "That is a complication too, of course," I add more seriously. "It is a serious thing, to be an Iranian man and to desire men. My identity has always been ... fractured." I pull the thawb up and over my head, drop it next to him. "But I know who I am." I start unbuttoning his shirt. "Do you ever get homesick?" I ask, pushing his shirt off his shoulders.
Sep. 16th, 2010 11:57 pm (UTC)
"I just had the strangest thought of what would my father have made of that remark. I am sure he would not have approved of our garb being appreicated in such a way."

"Don't think your father would've appreciated me much at all. And not just cos I'm male." There's yet another advantage to it: instant nudity. Watch appreciatively.

"It is a serious thing, to be an Iranian man and to desire men. My identify has always been...fractured. But I know who I am. Do you ever get homesick?"

Think about what his father did to his first lover. Yeah. A complication, indeed.

"I didn't think I did," I say. His hands're on my shirt buttons; I like him undressing me, so I drop my hands to the side and let him. "Until I went back. Then - it was the smells of the place, weirdly. Just...when I got back, it was like Excolo smelled wrong." I shrug, and let him push my shirt off. "Now...I think of it more." And there's knowing that he's dead, and I'm free of that part of my past. Try not to let that show on my face. "Don't think I'd go back." Not without Al, though I don't say that either.



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