Al's apartment, a few days later
Spending more of my time here, now. Much of it as I can, really.
Still have to be careful, of course. Think Al's got some kind of plan in place to tidy away any evidence of our previous deal; figure I'm better off not knowing the details.
But we've been able to get up together in the mornings, mostly, and I'm here when he comes back from work - which seems to be getting earlier, these past days. And it's - easy. More absurdly domestic than I'd've thought possibly, when he straightens my tie under my chin with a slight frown for my scruffiness, or I take his jacket and kiss him as he comes in the door. Almost frightening how fast it's starting to feel normal, him and me, here. Not sure I realised how I've missed living with someone, since Syl. Knowing it'll last, god willing. Knowing that I'm home.
[Open to Al]
Spending more of my time here, now. Much of it as I can, really.
Still have to be careful, of course. Think Al's got some kind of plan in place to tidy away any evidence of our previous deal; figure I'm better off not knowing the details.
But we've been able to get up together in the mornings, mostly, and I'm here when he comes back from work - which seems to be getting earlier, these past days. And it's - easy. More absurdly domestic than I'd've thought possibly, when he straightens my tie under my chin with a slight frown for my scruffiness, or I take his jacket and kiss him as he comes in the door. Almost frightening how fast it's starting to feel normal, him and me, here. Not sure I realised how I've missed living with someone, since Syl. Knowing it'll last, god willing. Knowing that I'm home.
[Open to Al]
Comments
...Zombified love? Cheered him up, at least. Glad to see him grinning again, and he's got his arm round me now. "And the rest. I knew it already, but I am still glad. I trust you more than anyone else. I do not know how that happened."
"Started trusting you," I say thoughtfully, "when I realised how - honest you were. With me. Sounds fucked up, doesn't it? - all things considered, I mean. You were always straight with me from he start."
Hear what I just said and laugh a bit. "You know what I mean. And then somewhere along the line, I realised I was - " Try to find the words. Not even talking about being in love with him, now.
"I realised I couldn't imagine my life without you. There was just... It seemed like it'd be - empty. I don't just mean fucking, or being in a relationship. Even if we were enemies; just needed you there. You had to be there somehow. It was like...everything revolved around you, and I hadn't seen it happen but then there you were. Like gravity had suddenly shifted to you."
I'm not making sense, I don't think. Hopefully he'll understand.
"Fucked up, probably," I say, "given my reputation. But I found it...easier, to tell you the truth. It satisfied something in me, though at the time I could not have told you what."
"I realised I couldn't imagine my life without you. There was just... It seemed like it'd be - empty. I don't just mean fucking, or being in a relationship. Even if we were enemies; just needed you there. You had to be there somehow. It was like...everything revolved around you, and I hadn't seen it happen but then there you were. Like gravity had suddenly shifted to you."
My chest feels quite tight, suddenly. It is not as if I have not been told you mean the world to me by others, but this is different.
"Yes," I say. "It is more than love, this. You are the axis of things for me, now." I think that my world would shiver to pieces if he were not here, and it is a thought that is simultaneously terrifying and satisfying. "I told myself long ago I would never let someone be that to me. But I can't not for you." I kiss him, mouth open but the kiss somehow almost chaste, a salute rather than an embrace.
He presses his mouth to mine and my lips soften under his, part a little. Reminds me of what he's done to me overall, everything in me that was clenched and rigid turned soft and open to him. Won't let any of those walls down with anyone else, but being able to do it with him -
He said I'd saved him. Think he did the same to me. Don't like to think about where I might've ended up, without him. He gave me my life back. "Fuck," I say cheerfully, "I'm starving. Think the noodles'll be cold?"
"Stone cold," I say, smiling back at him, the mood lightening. "But we have a microwave." I notice the we after I say it, and it makes my smile lift higher. I get off the bed and stretch, and offer him my hand to help him up. Reheated takeout would not normally be on my list of ideal meals, but right now it seems perfect.